It's past midnight, so it's officially Valentine's day. And as of a few days ago I am officially single for it. Hooray!
The past few days have been hard. I'm not sure who I want to share this with. I'm not trying to convince anyone, reader. I know they've been hard. I'm not trying to convince myself. Sometimes I find myself wanting to tell him, which is silly, because he knows this too. I wish I had more friends nearby. But I am grateful that I have wonderful friends to call on for strength and motivation and validation, when I need it, even if they are scattered around the country and the world.
But you know what, I feel good. My muscles are very, very, sore. I've kicked up my workout game a few notches. Hour long Pilates sessions every day, no excuses. Yoga afterwards. I'm finding that Yoga helps a lot. When I'm left to my own devices I'm very fidgety. Practicing Yoga, pretty much any pose, really centers me. If it's easy, that's great, and I give myself a pat on the back for being more flexible than I give myself credit for. And if it's hard, then I will be more flexible tomorrow. If it hurts, tomorrow it will hurt less (except in some cases, when it hurts more before it hurts less - gotta love those).
Pilates and Yoga keep me disciplined, they keep me focused on myself and on becoming better every day. I'm committed to this now. And I try to bring the lessons I'm learning into the rest of my life. Like I said, if it hurts today, it will probably hurt less tomorrow. And if it doesn't, I know that over time it will go away and it will make me stronger. Soon, I'm going to be okay. That's my new mantra. I cried all of Wednesday night, all of Thursday, and some of today. I'm a little ashamed, though I know I shouldn't be and I'm trying not to judge myself. But I'm going to be okay. I feel this with certainty. If I can keep moving, and not collapse onto the floor (which I admit I did on Wednesday when I got home), then I will be okay. It will all be okay. With or without him, or anybody else. Because I am with myself.
The past few days have been hard. I'm not sure who I want to share this with. I'm not trying to convince anyone, reader. I know they've been hard. I'm not trying to convince myself. Sometimes I find myself wanting to tell him, which is silly, because he knows this too. I wish I had more friends nearby. But I am grateful that I have wonderful friends to call on for strength and motivation and validation, when I need it, even if they are scattered around the country and the world.
But you know what, I feel good. My muscles are very, very, sore. I've kicked up my workout game a few notches. Hour long Pilates sessions every day, no excuses. Yoga afterwards. I'm finding that Yoga helps a lot. When I'm left to my own devices I'm very fidgety. Practicing Yoga, pretty much any pose, really centers me. If it's easy, that's great, and I give myself a pat on the back for being more flexible than I give myself credit for. And if it's hard, then I will be more flexible tomorrow. If it hurts, tomorrow it will hurt less (except in some cases, when it hurts more before it hurts less - gotta love those).
Pilates and Yoga keep me disciplined, they keep me focused on myself and on becoming better every day. I'm committed to this now. And I try to bring the lessons I'm learning into the rest of my life. Like I said, if it hurts today, it will probably hurt less tomorrow. And if it doesn't, I know that over time it will go away and it will make me stronger. Soon, I'm going to be okay. That's my new mantra. I cried all of Wednesday night, all of Thursday, and some of today. I'm a little ashamed, though I know I shouldn't be and I'm trying not to judge myself. But I'm going to be okay. I feel this with certainty. If I can keep moving, and not collapse onto the floor (which I admit I did on Wednesday when I got home), then I will be okay. It will all be okay. With or without him, or anybody else. Because I am with myself.
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